Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, so take this with a grain of salt. This is for informational purposes only and is my personal experience.
Happiness based on ignorance is fleeting; but joy based on truth is sustaining.
I have experienced anxiety and depression. More this past winter than I have in 14 years.
And it’s not easy and it’s not pretty.
But the reality of it is, I’m glad that I dig in and deal with it. It’s better than numbing and waiting for it to resurface later.
I think a lot of us are happy based on our circumstances. We bury the things that bother us and live in the physical. The surface-y. The tasks. Then something comes along and blindsides us and our ability to keep it all locked in (nice and tight) is torn from us. And our insides are now on the surface and we have to deal with it.
It’d be much better if our peace was based on something unchangeable, wouldn’t it?
It’d be so nice if we didn’t feel like we had to run to numbing agents.
It’d be so nice if we could live life with our hearts, our hope, our value, our purpose based on something that would always satisfy.
I want something, someone, who will last forever. I want someone who will love me, unending, forever. I want something even death can’t end.
And I’ve found it. In Jesus.
Yeah, I dropped that bomb.
And I don’t want to be a pusher. You know I can’t stand spam. I want everyone to choose whatever they choose because they’ve thought critically about it. Because they trust and believe in it for themselves.
Yet, here I am with gold. I know, now more than ever, how much it’s needed. And I can’t sit here and hold it away from you.
Jesus isn’t some magic bullet that kills all the pain, forever. Hardly. But He is there. And sometimes that’s more than enough. “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from Your presence?” (Psalm 139:7)
The reality of it is, is that I can’t write about how to deal with anxiety without explaining to you the only thing that has brought me hope, peace and comfort in my life. It is Him.
It’s not a set of prayers. It’s not attending church. It’s not a routine.
There are things that have helped ease symptoms in my life - like waking up earlier, running, music and writing. But if I rely on those alone, I still feel the fear, despair and hopelessness continue to hum below the surface.
But God sparks hope. He gives me truth that contradicts all the lies I’ve internalized, relied on and lived by. I don’t have to become them anymore. I am free with His truth.
And so, this post is nothing but an offering to you.
It’s not a contract. It’s not a standard. It’s not dogmatic. It’s simply an offer of my experience.
You have a different life than me. I can’t comprehend what it’s like to experience your life. But I do know who is there for me. And so I just wanted to let you know he is there for you too.
Because it’s really freaking hard and scary to base your worth, your purpose, your hope and your peace on something that may not last - like a business, a relationship or family.
I want something that’s forever. Thank God He found me.
***Though God and his truth has been VITAL to me in my life, I’m not downplaying the potential need for medicines. I’ve read and agree with some stuff from Jamie - the very worst missionary and I totally get that sometimes your biology gets jacked and meds are needed.