Remember when I talked about needing a propensity to risk?

I didn’t really discuss all that you might need to risk to pursue a business. I mentioned resources like time and money or putting yourself out there where you can be rejected, but I didn’t dive further into it. 

You might already know what you’ve risked. You might not. 

These past couple weeks my eyes have been open to all I’ve been willing to risk and ultimately sacrifice for my business/dream. It’s not pretty. I was willing to risk others’ well-being. I was willing to sacrifice others’ comfort for my own. I was fine with others sacrificing for me.

And if I’m being honest, it’s been this way for a long time with me. I created this mental construct - if I could do what I loved for a living, I could love and serve people better.* If I was doing my strength, I would be serving the world with the best I had. But I was justifying shameful means in seeking that end. I won’t any longer. 

I finally get it:

MY LIFE ISN’T ABOUT WHAT I WANT.

It's not even about what I think is best.

God’s truth in 1 Cor 13:1 rocked me. “If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.” 

I was working, I was moving, but things weren’t changing. Not like I wanted them to. And then I read 1 Cor 13:1 and saw myself in it - I identified with that cold, hard, soul-less clanging symbol. All noise, no love and thus, no impact. 

And so, my point is this -- I have read and seen and drank the kool-aid and sold it myself to “risk it all and pursue your dream”. I’m here to tell you it's not all gold. I’ve gone hard at it for almost a full year now and it’s not fulfilling knowing what I’ve sacrificed for it. 

It all comes down to what is motivating you. I had felt assaulted by all the skubala in the world. In response to my wounds, I was trying to fix it all and create perfection in the world with my clanging ideas. I was not trying to love and serve, I was trying to create perfection.

I have since learned that nothing is perfect, but my job is to love. And love is sacrifice.  

My life is not about constructing perfection and then caring for others. It’s about pouring myself out in love and sacrifice here, now. I hope that when I am done here, I’ve held nothing back.

Think about what you're risking for the all-in pursuit of your dream. You might be playing a dangerous game and not even realize it.

Confession: I thought people unhappily working full-time jobs didn’t have the guts to just quit and go for it. I thought they were scared. Some might be. But some are working full-time and trying to start their dream on the side because they’re not willing to sacrifice others for themselves. And that is beautiful. (Btw, judging always sucks. Because you’ll always be righted on it.)

*Granted, I think there are situations in life where we need to “put on our own oxygen mask before we can help others”, but pursing my dream job isn’t one of them.